How to Cope with Aging Parents
Dealing with Difficult Elderly Parents
As your parents get older, their needs get more intensive, which can add a lot of stress to your already busy life. Coping with elderly parents can be hard, especially when you have your own responsibilities to take care of. You love your parents—but you might not always know how to get them the care they need as they age.
We understand how challenging it is to provide aging parents with everything they need. It’s normal to feel anxious or even frustrated when you and your parents aren’t on the same page. Take a look at a few of these tips we’ve gathered for dealing with difficult elderly parents.
10 Tips on How to Cope with Aging Parents
Quick Summary:
- Decide What Matters are Most Important
- Be Respectful
- Try to Understand What’s Behind Abnormal Behavior
- Be understanding
- Find an Outlet for Your Stress
- Set Boundaries
- Know Your Own Limitations
- Limit Your Involvement in Caregiving
- Communicate
- Plan Ahead
1. Decide What Matters are Most Important
When you’re dealing with difficult or sometimes irrational parents, it’s important to choose your battles wisely. Not every problem is worth fighting over, so it’s crucial to differentiate between the matters that truly need to be addressed and the matters that are worth compromising on.
2. Be Respectful
Older adults often find themselves needing help with a variety of tasks like transportation, grocery shopping, and meal preparation. Being there to offer your support is a way to strengthen your relationship with them – as long as it’s within your limits. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from other family members and friends.
3. Try to Understand What’s Behind Abnormal Behavior
Rather than focusing on your own anger in difficult situations with your parents, try to identify the motivation behind their actions. When you try to understand your parents, you might find that their behavior is actually a result of something deeper.
4. Be understanding
It’s crucial to remember that your parents are still adults and that they have every right to be treated with respect. If your parents are struggling to care for themselves in certain ways, it’s essential that you fully involve them by talking to your parents about their plans for aging. This conversation should happen sooner rather than later, as you will then have time to understand their wishes and help make arrangements for their care, if necessary.
5. Find an Outlet for Your Stress
Confide in your friends, siblings, or even a care manager to relieve your stress about your parentsis a great tactic for coping with stubborn elderly parents. It’s important to have a clear head when you interact with your parents, and having an outlet for your stress will keep you from taking your anger out on them.
6. Set Boundaries
Especially if your parents can’t always control their behavior, it’s necessary for you to decide how much bad behavior is excusable and whether or not a line needs to be drawn. Having a clear understanding of what you will and won’t tolerate will make dealing with your aging parents a bit less overwhelming because you’ll know when to step back.
7. Know Your Own Limitations
One of the most crucial things regarding knowing how to cope with elderly parents is that it’s okay for you to say, “No.” You can’t always change your parents’ minds, convince them to act differently, or solve their problems—so it’s important to know your limitations and call for help when you need it.
8. Limit Your Involvement in Caregiving
When coping with aging parents becomes too much, it’s time to look for outside help. Simple solutions like in-home caregivers or assisted living facilities will give you the opportunity to step back from difficult situations and love your parents without having to be their primary caregiver.
9. Communicate
Talking to them regularly, visiting them often, and letting them know how much you love and care for them will show through deeds and through words that you love and value them, not just as your parents but as people as well. This may very well require some work on your part, and is likely to be a challenge at times, especially for adult children who have their own busy lives and responsibilities.
10. Plan Ahead
Your parents won’t be able to live alone forever—and if they’re stubborn or difficult, it won’t be easy to convince them to change their lifestyle. Planning for the future allows your parents to be a part of the process as you make arrangements for them as they age.
How to Ensure Your Parents are Taking Care of Their Medical and Social Needs
As parents age, it’s important to ensure that they are taking care of their medical and social needs. There are several things adult children can do to help aged parents as they learn how to manage this, such as encouraging them to see a doctor regularly.
Our health needs change as we age, and this means it’s crucial to encourage older parents to see their doctor regularly for checkups and preventative care. They may say they’re fine, and even downplay pain or discomfort. The key is to push through that with tact and respect.
This extends to helping them manage any medications they’re prescribed as well. Aging parents may have difficulty in this area, so it’s appropriate to help them set up a system for taking their medications on time and to refill their prescriptions as needed.
Additionally, encouraging your parents to stay active is important, as it plays a role in supporting both better physical and mental health. Motivate your parents to participate in activities they enjoy, such as walking, gardening, or playing games. Joining them for these activities regularly is a wonderful way to strengthen your relationship with them while also ensuring the activity is beneficial.
Last but perhaps most importantly, helping your parents to stay connected with friends and family is incredibly helpful. Social interaction is important for both physical and mental health. Encourage your parents to stay connected with friends and family by visiting them, calling them, or emailing them regularly.
How Retirement Communities Can Benefit Aging Parents
Retirement communities are often one of the best places for aging parents, thanks to the number of benefits they provide.
They check all the major boxes for how to best deal with aged parents:
- Providing opportunities for social interaction
- Providing opportunities for mental and physical stimulation
- Allowing for complete independence but built with aging limitations in mind (such as single-floor properties and protective measures like support bars in bathrooms).
Your parents may not be ready to give up their independence, and they shouldn’t have to! Living in a retirement community means you don’t have to worry about them and provide for them so much. They also offer a variety of amenities and services, such as transportation, meal preparation, swimming pools and fitness centers, activities and hobbies, and more, to help residents stay independent and active.
Retirement communities are wonderful at providing a sense of community for your parents as they navigate dealing with aging. They often have a variety of social activities and events, which can help residents connect with same-age peers and build relationships. The amenities of modern retirement communities offer countless opportunities for physical, mental, and social activity. Additionally – and this is of great importance – retirement communities often provide peace of mind for adult children. Knowing that their parents are living in a safe and supportive environment can help adult children to relax and not feel burdened.
Is a Retirement Community Right for Your Parent?
When you’re dealing with difficult elderly parents, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. At the end of the day, all you want to do is love them and provide them the best care possible—even when it’s hard. As you care for your aging parents, remember that there are plenty of resources available to help you out along the way.
Retirement communities often provide health services options for people who need them. This gives you and your parents some space, while still offering you peace of mind in knowing that your parents are being cared for. If a retirement community is a logical next step for your parents, you can start the process by finding some communities near you!
